Pallets for Pedagogues

Georgia - "It's not good for my back," winced forty-two-year-old Sara Freeman of Mason, Georgia as she pulled herself up from her cot. "But at least I can get some sleep."  For the second time this week, Sara slept at her school.

Heavy workloads have made sleeping at
school a necessity for some teachers

Sara teaches third graders at a Power Is Power (PIP) charter school, one of a growing number of schools offering cots for teachers who want to sleep in the building so they don't waste time going home.  "I would rather be home in my own bed but that's not always possible. By the time I'm done tutoring students, grading homework and tests, updating my bulletin boards, reviewing student data, writing my lesson plans and individualized education plans, it can be very late.  So I just pull the cot out of the closet and try to catch a few winks."

Sara is not alone.  Teachers in Arizona began sleeping at their schools last year after their districts began providing on-site sleeping accommodations. According to the National Center on Time and Learning, a nonprofit research group in Boston, about 100 schools - more than 90 of them charter schools - across the country provide sleeping accommodations for their teachers. Martin Shell, Tucson school board president is convinced it will ultimately benefit students. "It really is a time saver for our employees.  Now as soon as they wake up, they can work.  The more time teachers are at work, the more work they do and we are convinced that will result in higher test scores."

Although it may sound extreme, some teachers seem to make the most of it.  Darren Smithfield, who teaches seventh grade math in Tucson, showed us around his classroom/bedroom. His desk discreetly hid the cot and contained his toothbrush and electric razor.  "My wife came by and visited on Wednesday night. It was nice, we ate together in the cafeteria, the kids read books in the library while she and I talked about what we would do this weekend if they let me leave, I mean if I go home." He added quickly, "And you know the cot is not so bad, you get used to it after a while."

The cots were paid for by a generous grant from the Walton Foundation while the blankets and pillows were given by the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation.

Reality Alert: 

Interested in how we came to write this? Read Survey: Teachers Work 53 Hours Per Week On Average

Uber Teachers Are Uber Powerful: New Study Finds

Good news for the poor. There is no need to improve the lives of people who live in poverty because a great teacher will fix all their problems - eventually.... at some unspecified time in the future.

According to a research project funded by the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation a great teacher, "[c]an make a dramatic difference in the lives of low-income students." Gates spokesperson Stacey Scott elaborated on the project's findings, "We are pleased to self-satisfactorily declare that uber-educators can make so great a difference in the lives of their students that all daily stresses such as low-paying unstable jobs, inadequate dental, vision and medical care, classism, predatory lending practices, underfunded retirement, inaccessible child care and neighborhood environmental exploitation are practically eliminated."

Mrs. Wilcox, whose thirteen-year-old daughter attends Jeb Bush Middle School in Tampa, Florida agrees, "Before my daughter got her new teacher she had lots of problems. But ever since Miss Cary got here, with her five weeks of enthusiastic training, my daughter doesn't worry about my being unemployed. She waves at the slumlord, even though he hasn't removed the lead paint from the hallway. She scoots by the crack addicts and ignores the rats, bed bugs and roaches. Now that she has Ms. Cary, all her troubles seem to have melted away."

Other people were less enthusiastic about the proclamation. "Not sure any teacher can solve my problems," responded fifteen-year-old Luis Martinez of Bedford Stuyvesant. "I've had a lot of great teachers but I don't see no difference. I sure would like to though because a lot of the time I'm hungry and my moms needs her diabetes medication, my dad hasn't worked in two years and my older brother wants me to join his gang. What's a teacher going to do about that?"

Reality Alert: 

Interested in how we came to write this? Read What Happens When Profits Drive Reform and Response to Anthony Cody: The Role of the Marketplace in Education and You Can't Wish It Away

Defender of the Status Quo: America's Newest Superhero

"Holy Incompetent Teachers!" Rhee will be
generously supported by her many minions,
including Joel Klein and Arne Duncan.

California - Faster than dismissal on a Friday. More powerful than the smell of cafeteria pizza. Able to shut down a public school in a single bound.

Look! Over in Sacramento! It's a self-promoter. It's an education deformer. It's the Defender of the Status Quo, Michelle Rhee.

Strange visitor from a another planet who came to Earth with powers and abilities far beyond those of union presidents. Defender of the Status Quo - uses tests scores for unintended purposes, ignores facts that do not support her specious arguments, and, with her many minions, fights the never-ending battle to crush American unions.

How did Rhee, already Queen of StudentsFirst, win this noble position? A bi-partisan board of electors made the unanimous selection. "There really was no other choice," explained billionaire David Koch, who was flanked by fellow board members billionaire Bill Gates and billionaire Eli Broad at a press conference announcing the honor. Koch beamed, "Her ability to keep the media and public focused on false notions about education is unrivaled."

Rhee's number one responsibility will be to continue to manipulate the public into believing there is an education crisis related, not to poverty but to, lazy 53 hour-a-week working, over-paid Hyundai-driving, whine about a need to test for efficacy before instituting Common Core standards, so-called "educators." 

Like any great superhero, Rhee has her enemies including, the evil math genius Mr. Brandenburg, the fearless Leo Nie and Biting Burris. Her arch nemesis, however, is The Ravitch, a nimble character whose superpowers include tweeting at incredible speeds, telling the truth and knowledgeably citing education history.


Still, most people are betting on the DSQ. David Koch certainly is; he ended his press conference with these words, "I'm sure I speak for all of America when I say thank you Defender of the Status Quo for your incomparable service to our country and its corporations, um I mean children."

Reality Alert: 

Interested in how we came to write this? Read Talk About Double Standards! and the comment by Michael Fiorillo and Will the Gates Agenda of Gathering Data About Teachers Abolish Poverty and A World Without Public Students? and Jon Stewart's "Crisis in Dairyland"

Grin and Bear It: Teachers Paddled in Texas

Laredo - A New York Times editorial entitled, "Carrots and Sticks for Schools" called for rewards for "good teachers while easing chronic low performers out of the system."  What they apparently didn't know is that a small charter school in Texas beat them to it - literally.

"When the principal first told me to bend over and accept the paddling, I thought he had lost his mind," recounts Jeremy Finn of Harmony Science Academy in Laredo.  "But now I understand and can even see that he was right.  When my students do well on tests, I get rewarded with coupons for food." And when they don't?  Finn bows his head and recites, "Well then I haven't done my job and deserve to be paddled."

Food coupons entitle teachers and their families to eat for free at local eateries such as Sonic Drive-in, the Corn House and Posh Sushi Express. Fifth grade teacher Mary Robinson, who amazingly hasn't had a student fail a test in three years, speaks very highly of the program. "I'm uncertified so I get paid less than other teachers and the coupons really help my family make ends meet."

"The system works for us," smiled James McFadden principal of Harmony while brandishing an long wooden paddle.  "Usually I only have to swat a teacher once and then they learn to get those kids to pass the test but fast....or they quit."

Turnover has been high at Harmony with more than 75% of teachers leaving during the 2011-2012 school year, the year the school first began sticking it to teachers.  However, with only minor improvements in the economy, many educators feel they have little choice but to grin and bear it. Last year, turnover was just over 40% and McFadden thinks that number will go down farther still.  "As long as you hire young teachers, they don't know any better."  As for the older ones who have hung around, principal McFadden has his own theory, "I think we have a few staffers who like it."

The paddles were paid for by a generous grant from the Walton Foundation while a soothing balm is distributed courtesy of the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation.

Reality Alert: Interested in how we came to write this? Read NYTimes here.