Top Ten Reasons I Joined Teach for America by Kai Merikal

Kai is an eager
TFA recruit

Kai Merikal, a twenty-two-year-old from Wisconsin, will be teaching fourth graders in Newark, New Jersey beginning in September. Below she shares her reasons for joining Teach for America.

10.  I didn't get into law school yet.
  9.  I want to be sainted.
  8.  I believe if I believe hard enough that my students can learn, they will.
  7.  How difficult could teaching really be?
  6.  Because I'm blind to the long-term consequences of my actions.
  5.  My other temp job didn't offer health insurance.
  4.  I ran out of things to blog about.
  3.  After just two TFA years, I'm qualified to head up just about any school district
       that education reformers can get their hands on.
  2.  It's the only way I could get TFA recruiters to stop calling and emailing me.
  1.  The kids I'm going to teach are already so screwed up, how much harm can      
       having an untrained teacher do?

Reality Alert: 

Interested in how we came to write this? Go to The Three Biggest TFA Lies and Why Teach For America Is Not Welcome In My Classroom and A Glorified Temp Agency.

Common Core: Education Aberrations

Please note: This is NOT satire. 

Visited a school the other day and saw this:
How did China's command economy change in the 1980's?

To which grade was this question addressed?
Third grade, which for most kids is 8 years old. Any answer they give will only be a parrotting of what the teacher said. It will not reflect any true understanding on the part of these young students. How could it? 

It is a perfect example of the crap they pass off as education today. More difficult work does NOT automatically mean more learning - particularly when it is not cognitively appropriate. If it were otherwise, then kindergarteners should write theses.

Please share your own Common Core aberrations of education.

This Test Brought To You By....

McDonalds is just one of many
 corporations interested in the program 

Albany, NY - Responding to budget cuts, officials at New York State's Education Department unveiled a new program for public schools that has the potential to raise millions of dollars - product placement. At a press conference on Friday inside the newly named "Staples Building," Commissioner of Education Dr. John King was all smiles as he described the novel program. "With a nod to the movie-making industry and the recognition that many of our school districts are financially strapped, we have decided to allow corporations to place their product names in state and local tests administered to students throughout the year."

As described by Commissioner King, the program works much as it does in Hollywood, with corporations paying for the right to have their name (or a product's name) featured prominently during a movie or in this case, an exam. The program has already been tested at several schools around the state, including on this year's Common Core English Language Arts exam. "Oh sure, somebody always complains about something," responded King to a question about selling the state's young to the highest bidder. "But we need the money and the kids are so used to advertising anyhow. They probably won't even notice."

Students at the Frank Sinatra School of the Arts in Queens, which was part of the pilot program, may or may not have noticed that their eighth grade science exam featured several questions "bought" by corporations. For instance, one of the questions prodded students to, "Name a carnivore you see in this drawing." The drawing showed an idyllic pond surrounded by trees and animals such as hawks, deer, fish and a bear. In the background was a factory bearing the name, "Union Carbide."

Another question was sponsored by energy company Con Edison which paid to have its name placed on the roof of a building in a diagram of an electric power plant built next to a river. The accompanying question read, "Describe one positive impact on this type of power plant on the environment." Later Con Ed CEO Kevin Burke admitted that the company doesn't actually operate a single dam.

Other companies wove their product placements in more subtly. For example, one question related to the sexual reproduction of rabbits, featured a footnote that read, "Offspring can be prevented with the use of protection." Although the company's name was not present, Dr. King revealed that Church and Dwight Company, which produces Trojan condoms, had paid for that footnote.

"Sometimes a company wants to put out a message but not have their name directly affiliated with that message and we're o.k. with that," explained King. Though the Commissioner was all smiles at the press conference, there have been some hitches.

Commissioner King enthusiastically
described the program.

An anonymous source at New York's Education Department revealed that Walmart was hoping to sponsor the United States History and Government Regents Examination. However, the company objected to the number and nature of questions related to the rise of labor unions. The state refused to change the questions on the test but a spokesperson said that they might reconsider for next year's exam, "If the price was right." And Walmart wasn't the only disappointed corporation. Although R.J. Reynolds Tobacco Company negotiated for days with an elementary school in Somers, NY, they were unable to convince officials to place sunglasses on the picture of a camel which accompanied a story about the desert on a third grade English exam.

Still King is enthusiastic about the program's potential. "It could raise an enormous amount of money for some really strapped schools." He gleefully pointed out that Citicorp, Goldman Sachs and AIG are currently in a "very competitive bidding war" to gain the rights to sponsor every exam given at Stuyvesant High School, located in the financial district. "I think they see a natural affiliation with the student body," commented King. "I have instructed my staff that their top priority is to speed and facilitate negotiations between interested parties so that we can see the results on this year's tests and of course in our budgets."

When asked if he saw anything ironic in Dunkin' Donuts sponsoring the final exam for a Mt. Vernon High School class entitled, "Nutrition for the 21st Century," Commissioner King said he would not make such judgments. "Our attitude is that everything is open for discussion."

Several corporation heads were also on hand to answer questions from reporters including, Pepsico's CEO Indra Nooyi. She described the opportunity as, "a marketing dream." "Getting our message out to young people when they are in an excited state, as they most certainly are during an exam, is giving us the chance to create a mental tattoo for our brand." Pepsico paid an undisclosed amount to place their Frito Lay brand throughout the health class midterms at Niagra Falls High School.

Although not yet sponsors, the Education Department admitted that they are currently in negotiation with several high profile companies including: Anheuser-Busch, ExxonMobil, Dow Chemical, BP Global and Rupert Murdoch's News Corporation.

Reality Alert: 

Interested in how we came to write this? Go to New Standardized Tests Feature Plugs for Commercial Products and Learn ABC's - & IBM's. 

New Titles Help Children Cope With Education "Reform"

As students around the country prepare to take and fail a battery of state exams based on the Common Core standards, Amazon.com has complied a list of books to help them and their parents cope.

I Used to Like School: A Parent’s Guide to Discussing the Common Core Standards With Your Child, "A Classic. Simply worded concepts with wonderfully colored pictures - that explain the changing nature of the school day from one of joy to one of pedantic exhaustion. It is one of those great books that feels written for adults as well as kids."

Helping Children Say Goodbye to Recess and Art: Coping Strategies for Testing Times, "Few books are able to explain the need to eliminate the 'extras' to children, let alone explain what happened to their fired teachers. This book does both and does it well!

Why Is Johnny Sad All The Time? Answers To Questions Posed During Standardized Testing Season, "This book will help children and their families move forward towards acceptance, understanding and hope as they prepare for the Common Core exams."

The Broken Pencil, "As Freddie experiences feelings of anger and frustration during test prep, he learns that misery is an expected and accepted part of life at school."

What's Summer School? "A gentle narrative following the conversations that pass between a mother and a young daughter in the days immediately after learning that the little girl has failed the state exams."

Mending Jose's Broken Heart, "Even though we find out that Jose has failed the exam and will not be promoted and that his favorite teacher has been fired and his school is slated to close, the story is not maudlin, but uplifting and told with honesty, wisdom and much love."

Reality Alert: 

Interested in how we came to write this? Go to NYC Department of Education website: TIPS FOR TALKING WITH YOUR ELEMENTARY SCHOOL CHILD ABOUT THE COMMON CORE STANDARDS & CHANGING STATE TESTS

Queen Bee's Radical Promotions

New York City - As we've previously reported, Michelle Rhee has been garnering publicity for her book "Radical" by engaging in unusual stunts around media outlet rich New York City. Today's stunt placed Ms. Rhee at the Barnes and Noble on Broadway and 82nd Street where she swallowed bumble bees at the rate of two every ten seconds. While this may seem like an odd way to garner attention for a book, HarperCollins, the book's publisher, reminded us that Ms. Rhee gained respect from her first class by swatting and then swallowing a bee in front of them. You can't make this stuff up folks (well maybe just a little bit).

Reality Alert: 

Interested in how we came to write this? Go to: The Michelle Rhee You Don't Know and Michelle Rhee's Book is a Huge Failure

Cherry-picking: It Isn't Just For Fruit Anymore

Philadelphia - Global Alliance Charter School is scrambling today to respond to questions from the School District of Philadelphia about its complicated and some say overbearing application process.

Should charter schools be allowed
to have barriers to admission?

The application, which is more than 10-pages in length, requires  a 3,000-word essay, responses to 20 short-answer questions, proof of citizenship for the child and parents, three recommendations, and an interview. Additionally, parents of Global applicants have to complete a lengthy obstacle course which includes:  outrunning a pack of wild dogs, scaling an 8-foot fence, bench pressing their own body weight and trying to stay awake while watching, "Won't Back Down" (a movie about turning a public school into a charter school).

"I thought I could do it," explained Marlena Johnson, a parent who failed to complete the application process. "I knew the dogs would be tough but what I didn't count on was that movie. I fell asleep ten minutes into it."

Does cherry-picking students
lead to higher test scores?

Charter schools have come under frequent criticism from several sources, most notably teacher unions, for their admission process which weeds out "undesirable" children. Exactly who are the "undesirable" students? Those notorious for bringing down test scores such as English language learners, children from troubled or disinterested homes and those with special needs.

"These barriers to admission are a disgrace. More people got around the Berlin Wall than manage to get into these charter schools," complained Jerry T. Jordan, president of the Philadelphia Federation of Teachers. "And then people want to know why those schools perform better on standardized tests. It's because they rig the system - cherry-picking students."

Asked to explain why the process to get into a so-called public charter school was so difficult, Global's founder and Chief Executive Officer Ronald Mulla had this to say, "We stand by our application process. After all, it's called 'school-choice' for a reason. Our school is merely choosing which students are admitted."

Meanwhile just down the street from Global sits Andrew Jackson Elementary a real public school. It requires just three things before admitting a student: proof of address, age and vaccinations. "Basically we take everyone who comes through the door. We believe it's what public education is meant to do," said naive principal Mike Larts. Asked if he thought the application process might in some part be responsible for Global besting his students on last year's state exams, Mr. Larts shook his head, "I don't know, but it sure is hard to win the beauty contest when you've got all the ugly kids."

Reality Alert: 

Interested in how we came to write this? Go to: Special Report: Class Struggle - How Charter Schools Get Students They Want and Green Woods Charter School and Others In Philadelphia Boast Questionable Application Processes

Time To Be Cruelty-Free

Unlike school children, lab rats
enjoy some protection from testing

Virginia – Well-known for their anti-fur advertisements featuring naked celebrities, this week People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) came out against another type of testing – standardized testing of students. At a press conference on Wednesday held at their Norfolk headquarters a spokesperson articulated the organization’s position as follows:

As most people know, PETA is focused on ending animal suffering. Typically we work to protect animals such as rats, rabbits and chickens from cruelty in laboratories and on farms. However, today we are speaking on behalf of human animals, namely the American public school student. Every year millions of children are routinely tortured in the name of educational measurement by the standardized testing industry. They suffer through unnecessary field, diagnostic and predictive testing. We were sickened to learn that at any given minute during the school day, more than 1,100 American children are being tested in some capacity. There are rats in pharmaceutical labs that undergo less testing.

Even chickens  destined for  your
dinner plate get some sunlight

Caged in their classrooms for hours prepping for exams, schoolchildren see less sun than a Purdue chicken. Moreover, these unnecessary examinations teach us nothing about a child's intelligence or their level of understanding because students of different abilities absorb, process and make meaning of information differently. This made us wonder: why are there limits on the number of performances a Ringling Brother's elephant can be in, but no limits on testing children?

PETA urges parents and guardians to choose cruelty-free schools for their children, that is those schools in which standardized testing is not used as the predominant measure of student learning. How can you tell which schools are cruelty-free? They are the ones to which wealthy people send their children. Of course, another option would be to consider opting-out of tests.

To keep pressure on those responsible for these cruel and never-ending examinations sign the petitions below and join the thousands of caring Americans who refuse to participate in the excessive testing of the most innocent of animals - school children.

National petition, New York's petition, American Federation of Teachers petition,
South Carolina's petition, Chicago's petition, President petition

Reality Alert: 

Interested in how we came to write this? Go to: Change the Stakes Teacher Exposes Board's Ridiculous Testing Policy and Teachers Refuse To Give Standardized Test At Seattle High Schools