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| Pearson-provided sonogram of fetus taking ELA exam. Sadly, test scores prove fetus is merely average. |
Ms. Scardino explained to reporters how Pearson scientists used nano technology to create tiny number two pencils that can be placed into a woman's uterus. "If you look very closely, you can see that we have been able to provide the fetus with a bubble test and a number two pencil," boasted Scardino while pointing to a sonogram.
Scientists associated with the project agree that the new development is quite a feat. "Shrinking the pencil wasn't too difficult," explains Dr. Tisch Benito. "But creating test booklets and bubble sheets that are resistant to amniotic fluid, well that took a good deal of effort."
Benito describes the testing process, "Testing materials are injected into the mother's uterus utilizing the same needles employed during amniocentesis. Then we guide the materials into the fetus' hands using probes and prod it to take the exam. We give the unborn about an hour to complete the test and then we suction the materials out through the needle. The only problems we have encountered are fetuses who refuse to take the exam and fetuses who eat the pencils."
Asked by one reporter if standardized testing of the unborn was perhaps "ridiculous" the mayor responded irately, "You can never test too early or too often."
When asked to comment on this new DOE initiative, United Federation of Teachers President Michael Mulgrew responded with a question of his own, "How many more days until the next mayoral election?"
Reality Alert:
Interested in how we came to write this? Read the Connecticut Adds New Tests for Kindergarten, 1 and 2 Grades as well as comments associated with piece. Also Florida Gets Tough on 5-Year-Olds.
This will probably happen!!!
ReplyDeleteIt's much closer than you think, anonymous.
ReplyDeleteThe babies don't need to be able to hold a pencil; their caregivers are enlisted to fill in the bubbles, rating their development on linear scales, for inclusion in the permanent data-bank that will follow them through life. The rubric is whatever qualities Pearson deems important in a toddler. Several states have adopted Pearson's "data-based" early childhood assessment instruments.
You can't make this stuff up, and you don't need to. Here's Pearson's own breathlessly enthusiastic self-promotion:
http://www.pearsonassessments.com/pai/ai/earlychildhood.htm
I think the wombs should be given a report card grade based on the test performance of the fetuses. Those fetuses in wombs with failing grades should have the opportunity to transfer to another womb with a higher grade. No fetus left behind!
ReplyDeleteLMFAO!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI have to say that Deborah has the whole issue correct. If a fetus is in a failing womb it should get a chance at a better life. I'm sure any caring parent would feel that way. It should be allowed to go to religious womb, with it's state money following it. And if the fetus acts up or doesn't do as well as others, it can always be sent back to it's original womb - we wouldn't want it to negatively impact the rest of the higher scoring fetuses and wombs.
ReplyDeleteI think this is discriminatory by nature. Why are people in the after life not included? Just because you are dead does not mean that you can't compete for Race to the Top money!
ReplyDeleteGeorge McLaughlin