|Pearson-provided sonogram of |
fetus taking ELA exam. Sadly,
test scores prove fetus is merely average.
Ms. Scardino explained to reporters how Pearson scientists used nano technology to create tiny number two pencils that can be placed into a woman's uterus. "If you look very closely, you can see that we have been able to provide the fetus with a bubble test and a number two pencil," boasted Scardino while pointing to a sonogram.
Scientists associated with the project agree that the new development is quite a feat. "Shrinking the pencil wasn't too difficult," explains Dr. Tisch Benito. "But creating test booklets and bubble sheets that are resistant to amniotic fluid, well that took a good deal of effort."
Benito describes the testing process, "Testing materials are injected into the mother's uterus utilizing the same needles employed during amniocentesis. Then we guide the materials into the fetus' hands using probes and prod it to take the exam. We give the unborn about an hour to complete the test and then we suction the materials out through the needle. The only problems we have encountered are fetuses who refuse to take the exam and fetuses who eat the pencils."
Asked by one reporter if standardized testing of the unborn was perhaps "ridiculous" the mayor responded irately, "You can never test too early or too often."
When asked to comment on this new DOE initiative, United Federation of Teachers President Michael Mulgrew responded with a question of his own, "How many more days until the next mayoral election?"
Interested in how we came to write this? Read the Connecticut Adds New Tests for Kindergarten, 1 and 2 Grades as well as comments associated with piece. Also Florida Gets Tough on 5-Year-Olds.