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Saturday, June 1, 2013

Baby-faced Blackmailers

NYC's youngest criminals
major in reading, writing
and extortion
New York - Sometime on Thursday several elementary school students, who thought they were going on a field trip, were instead ushered into a police van and then taken to the local precinct. Their crime? The gang of eight-year-olds allegedly tried to shakedown their teachers.

At a press conference held by Manhattan District Attorney Cyrus Vance, Jr. Friday morning, prosecutors shared some information about the suspects in the plot to extort favors from two of their teachers.

D.A. Vance said that four third graders from P.S. 6, whose names were being witheld because of their youth, had been charged with several counts of larceny. Further, it was revealed that over the course of several weeks, math teacher Sharon Norbury and physical education teacher Mi Yagi were repeatedly threatened with poor evaluations by the students if they failed to cooperate with student demands.

Prosecutors shared a letter written by the students and addressed to the teachers which said, "Even through [sic] you'r [sic] jobs suk [sic] , we bet u'd [sic] like to keep them. We can make that hapen [sic] for a price."

Eventually the educators reported the blackmailers to police and agreed to wear recording devices during negotiations with the pint-sized hooligans. On the recordings you can hear students promising to give teachers positive feedback on the newly implemented Tripod Student Survey if the teachers did what the students wanted. Demands included pizza parties, providing "lots of stickers" and extra recess time.

Neither Department of Education Chancellor Dennis Walcott nor State Education Commissioner John King were available for comment about these recent developments, though they are largely responsible for giving third graders the burden/responsibility of rating teachers. However, Principal Willis DeWitt admitted that he should have known something was up, "I mean how many pizza parties can you have in one week? It was like a bacchanal in there. Kids dancing, eating paste, running with scissors, throwing Legos. One time I walked in and Ms. Norbury was tied up. She looked frightened but told me they were studying knot tying. I should have known better."

An arraignment is scheduled for Friday at 2:15pm.

Reality Alert: 
Interested in how we came to write this? Go to: King Unveils Long-Awaited Evaluations Systems For City Educators

4 comments:

  1. Great stuff. Kids are already posting threats on Facebook probably.

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    1. I'm buying stock in ratemyteacher.com

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  2. This is stupid! Now they are getting a criminal record. Where are the adults

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    1. If this is the right school...reportedly the authorities found several ipads with notes on how to pull off such a bribery scandal. The kids had been scoping out a building down the street where there was bribing going on each day. Authorities have not released the copies of the files, but supposedly they detail years of abuse where adults have been telling kids that if they don't sit down and shut-up they will miss their only opportunity to go outside each day, threatened that the only way they would give them a good grade so that society will think they are successful is if they went home and memorized lists of useless facts, and if they talked while walking in the hallway they would have to walk back and forth until they got it right. The adults were too busying bribing the kids into submission to see that the kids were actually planning payback.

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