What you are about to read is NOT real news. It is satire. Where possible we have provided links to the real stories/issues that inspire us at the bottom of each article.

Follow us on Twitter @Students_Last

Monday, August 19, 2013

Finnished (stet)

Finnish president halts American visits to his country's schools
Helsinki - President Sauli Niinisto of Finland has called for a moratorium on tours of their schools by American visitors.

In a speech given Tuesday at the Presidential Palace, Niinisto cited both uselessness and human fatigue as reasons for discontinuing educational visits. "We are a kind and generous people and we are certainly flattered by your interest in our educational system. However, we have answered all your questions and shared all of our wisdom. It is up to the United States to actually do something with the knowledge it has gained. I believe Americans might say it is time to, 'Put up or shut up.' After all how many times can we tell you that we trust and respect teachers and don't administer standardized tests until students are almost ready for college?"

Finnish schools need a little "me time"
Moreover President Niinisto suggested the constant scrutiny was having a deleterious effect on teaching and learning. "We are exhausted from all your visits to our schools. Last year, just one of our schools hosted more than 200 reporters and 850 U.S. school superintendents. Students are having a difficult time focusing because of all the camera clicking. Teachers have no time to write lessons because they are being interviewed by reporters. Principals are so busy acting as tour guides that they have no time to run meetings or plan for the next school year. If we are to maintain our intellectual superiority, we must return to educating our populace."

President Niinisto finished his speech with these words, "We expected education reformers would do something in response to all they had learned from us but for some reason Americans just don't seem to be learning. Perhaps they have something other than improving public education as their goal."


Reality Alert: