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Thursday, July 18, 2013

Replaceable You

A chart from the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics illustrates
that eventually every American will be a teacher
Washington D.C. - Have you ever dreamed of being a teacher? Well whether you have or you haven't, odds are that one day you will be employed as a classroom teacher. On Tuesday, the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics released a report which predicted that by the year 2025 100% of Americans over the age of 24 will have worked as a teacher at some point in their life. Statistician Anzahl Lugner elaborated, "Given current trends, we feel it is inevitable that every American will eventually be able to say that he or she is or was a teacher."

How is this even possible? Lugner explained, "You've got baby boomers retiring coupled with the inevitable effects of linking teacher evaluations to student test scores. Some cities like Chicago are laying off teachers and finding cheaper and less qualified replacements while others are seeing an improving economy which has increased options for educators who feel disrespected, disgruntled and overworked. Finally, you have charter schools whose philosophy is to use up teachers and them spit 'em out." In fact, Lugner anticipates that in the very near future a 'veteran teacher' will be someone who has taught for 18 months.

According to the report, another possible ramification of high teacher turnover, will be the lowering of requirements for new teachers. Precedent for such a move already exists. For example, programs such as Teach for America wave certification requirements for incoming "teachers." It's possible that to fill empty positions, states will drop the requirement that teachers have college degrees. They might even be forced to drop the high school diploma expectation which would lead to the interesting and ironic situation of high school drop-outs teaching high school students."

When reached for comment Karen Lewis, president of the Chicago Teachers Union, called Lugner's predictions, "Ridiculous but not surprising. The surprising thing is that anyone, anywhere wants to enter the revolving door that the teaching profession has become."

Reality Alert: 


  1. I am not quite sure how all this will end up but it is sad to see the demise of education in the classroom. Remember the way you portray yourself and the way you write and talk is mirrored through the eyes of a student. I remember getting my masters and a good part of my colleagues had a hard time writing a 2 page paper. I wonder how well it carried over to the students. May be that is one reason why the scores are low.. The blind leading the blind.

  2. The way to undermine a profession is by commoditizing its members. By lowering entrance requirements and standards and by creating subjective non valid evaluative instruments you have found a way to make the bucket smaller and put holes in the bottom. The result is that any college student can decide to teach and after 5 weeks you place them in an urban classroom. Conversely, you now have a method to remove veteran teachers who do not play the game or may cost to much to carry. Sounds like the perfect corporate formula for data driven results and profit. What Eli and his cohorts want is education to the lowest bidder, much like his formula for building modular homes in Detroit, (the same Detroit that declared bankruptcy), by using construction firms that agreed to lower their price.
    The real losers will be the very poor students that were originally seduced by this whole scheme.

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