...the woman who enrolled her child in a new school? After the principal welcomed them to the learning community, the mother made a request, "It is very important to me that my child have a first year teacher."
The principal responded with a nod, "We have several first year teachers on staff."
The woman continued, "And can you guarantee that my child will get the teacher who has received the least amount of preparation for the job?"
"Um, two of our new teachers only attended five weeks of training this summer," the confused principal replied.
"Wonderful," the woman answered. "And of those two teachers, would you please ensure that my child gets the one who is most likely to leave the profession?"
The puzzled principal hesitated for a moment, "I'm afraid they will both probably leave teaching in two to three years."
"Well then either one will do," the satisfied mother smiled.
"While I'm glad you are satisfied, I must say your request is an unusual one. May I ask why you would want the teacher who is least experienced, least trained and least likely to stay in the profession?"
The woman smiled knowingly, "Oh that's easy. Michelle Rhee said they make the best teachers."
Sunday, December 23, 2012
Sunday, December 16, 2012
The Four R's
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| Wayne LaPiere addressing the press |
Maria Heil, NRA board member, who spoke only briefly as she was having difficulty removing blood from under her fingernails, added, "Many weapons are perfectly designed for small hands. My daughter owns a Colt .380 with a "Hello Kitty" grip. I think good mothers arm their children."
David Keene, President of the NRA, recounted the days when he used to bring a shotgun to school and described how his organization envisions the future. "We could start by teaching gun safety in pre-K. We would then incorporate target practice into the school day. Finally once a kid has passed both a performance-based and standardized test on how to handle and fire a gun, we would equip him or her with a weapon. It's totally a win-win situation. Plus I bet it would put an end to school-yard bullying."
The NRA representatives could not answer questions about funding of such a vast undertaking. When asked about the results from any studies investigating the efficacy of such a plan, LaPierre retorted angrily, "Nobody asked David Coleman for his studies," referencing the whole cloth adoption of the Common Core standards without data evidencing their effectiveness.
LaPierre ended the press conference with these impassioned words, "The NRA is not going to surrender, submit or succumb to the extremists in our society who want to regulate our right to bear arms. We too want to prevent gun violence and we think arming children is part of that solution."
When reached for comment, filmmaker Michael Moore, a well-known advocate for stronger gun-control laws, said, "Put guns IN schools? Are you shitting me?"
Reality Alert:
Interested in how we came to write this? Go to the White House's website for petitions or the NRA website or Meet the NRA.
Monday, November 12, 2012
Over the Educational Cliff
Washington D.C. - In an unusual moment of candor for a politician, U.S. Senator LaLa Verdad of New York sent this letter to her constituents yesterday:
Lately my office has been receiving communication from constituents about the state of education. Some of you have expressed annoyance over the frequency and length of the tests your child has had to take. Some of you were surprised to find out that the teacher you and your child love has been deemed "ineffective" as determined by value-added measures. A few of you were worried that the government maintains decades of data on your child. Some of you are angry that the unproven Common Core is forcing teachers to robotically deliver lessons and demanding six-year-olds read oodles of non-fiction. My question to you is: where the hell were you people as our children went over the "educational cliff?"
I know, I know you didn't realize all these "reforms" were effecting your kid or your school district so you didn't care. Well now that it's dawned on you that it is your kid and your district perhaps you will wake up and force me (and all your political leaders) to do something about it. I am, after all, largely your puppet. I display very little leadership on my own, preferring instead to form my opinions and choose my battles based on public opinion and advice from generous campaign donors.
So if I hear from Michelle Rhee and her well-financed political action committee (I mean 501(c)4 organization) Students First more than I hear from you, guess who I'm going to listen to? And if you are so uninformed that you think Students for Educational Reform is actually run by a grassroots band of students then you won't mind if I have a few drinks with their hedge fund-, charter school-affiliated, no hidden agenda here board of directors.
Our country drove over the educational cliff years ago with Michelle "Thelma" Rhee, Wendy "Louise" Kopp and a host of other bad drivers taking turns at the wheel. So if you'd like to hoist them from the driver's seat then you must act. Dear constituents, get your panties in a twist and let me know how No Child Left Behind, Race to the Top and now the Common Core standards have negatively altered the playing field for your American schoolchild. Because otherwise, I just don't give a shit.
To contact any member of Congress: Contacting the Congress
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| "Louise, no matter what happens, I'm glad I came with you." |
I know, I know you didn't realize all these "reforms" were effecting your kid or your school district so you didn't care. Well now that it's dawned on you that it is your kid and your district perhaps you will wake up and force me (and all your political leaders) to do something about it. I am, after all, largely your puppet. I display very little leadership on my own, preferring instead to form my opinions and choose my battles based on public opinion and advice from generous campaign donors.
So if I hear from Michelle Rhee and her well-financed political action committee (I mean 501(c)4 organization) Students First more than I hear from you, guess who I'm going to listen to? And if you are so uninformed that you think Students for Educational Reform is actually run by a grassroots band of students then you won't mind if I have a few drinks with their hedge fund-, charter school-affiliated, no hidden agenda here board of directors.
Our country drove over the educational cliff years ago with Michelle "Thelma" Rhee, Wendy "Louise" Kopp and a host of other bad drivers taking turns at the wheel. So if you'd like to hoist them from the driver's seat then you must act. Dear constituents, get your panties in a twist and let me know how No Child Left Behind, Race to the Top and now the Common Core standards have negatively altered the playing field for your American schoolchild. Because otherwise, I just don't give a shit.
To contact any member of Congress: Contacting the Congress
Reality Alert:
Interested in how we came to write this? Read Students for Education Reform and A Little OxyContin with that #Edreform? and Obama's Dreadful Education Agenda and Students for Education Reform and the War on Teachers
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Election Results: Public Education Loses
New York City - From their broadcast studios at 30 Rockefeller Center in New York City, MSNBC called the presidential election only one minute after polls had closed on election night. At 9:01pm EST, Rachel Maddow announced that public education had lost. "With only 1% of precincts reporting, MSNBC can confirm with a 0% margin of error that public education has lost." Citing the 100% likelihood that either President Obama or Mitt Romney would win Maddow said, "Given that both candidates support policies that promote privatization of education while ignoring fundamental flaws in our economic system that perpetuate childhoods spent in poverty, we are confident in declaring public education a loser this evening."
Comments on the loss came from many circles. NBC broadcaster Brian Williams expressed relief, "I was afraid we might have to actually invite some public school teachers to next year's Education Nation but with this defeat, it is clear we can continue to pander to the union-crushing corporate privatizing agenda." Randi Weingarten, president of the American Federation of Teachers, issued this statement, "No matter who wins, we will semi-respectfully hold our nose to work with him." Michelle Rhee, CEO of Students First, was too drunk to comment, having begun her celebratory consumption of libations some time in October.
Comments on the loss came from many circles. NBC broadcaster Brian Williams expressed relief, "I was afraid we might have to actually invite some public school teachers to next year's Education Nation but with this defeat, it is clear we can continue to pander to the union-crushing corporate privatizing agenda." Randi Weingarten, president of the American Federation of Teachers, issued this statement, "No matter who wins, we will semi-respectfully hold our nose to work with him." Michelle Rhee, CEO of Students First, was too drunk to comment, having begun her celebratory consumption of libations some time in October.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Not Our Usual Fare
We know you come to this site for a laugh but some things are just NOT funny. Here's a non-satirical editorial from Students Last.
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How nice to be told by the presidential candidates, during their last debate, that they "love teachers." Too bad it's bullshit, like the flowers a woman gets the day after her abuser gives her a black eye. And it's not just the candidates who are "loving" teachers to death. America itself has, at least as of late, quite the abusive relationship with teachers - claiming to love teachers but repeatedly disrespecting them in a myriad of ways. What teachers need is fewer meaningless words and a helluva a lot more deeds of respect.
When teachers tell you that standardized testing is robbing instructional time, narrowing curriculum and encouraging cheating but you act like their concerns are a ploy to avoid accountability, you are NOT showing love to teachers.
When you hold education conferences and there are no public school teachers on the panel but there are five CEO's, you are NOT showing love to teachers.
When the solution to turning around a failing school is to fire half the staff, you are NOT showing love to teachers.
When you accuse teacher unions of protecting child molesters, you are NOT showing love to teachers.
When teachers tell you that generational poverty hangs over the lives of their students like an impenetrable fog dampening desire, fostering anger, distracting young minds and you think they are making excuses, you are NOT showing love to teachers.
When you refer to teachers as "professionals" but then dilute their ranks with those who have ten-watts of enthusiasm and five-weeks of training, shoving them into the neediest schools where they cut their teaching teeth on defenseless children, you are NOT showing love to teachers.
When the most well-known names in education today are people who taught for three years or....never, you are NOT showing love to teachers.
When, despite teachers' knowledgeable objections, your idea of measuring teaching and learning is to administer more and more flawed bubble exams to younger and younger students, you are NOT showing love to teachers.
When you laud the test results of charter schools that cherry pick their students, receive extraordinary private funding, create an aura of fear with high suspension rates coupled with the expulsion of under-performing students, you are NOT showing love to teachers.
When those who make policy send their children to private schools while shoveling mounds of unvetted nonsense onto the overburdened shoulders of public schools, you are NOT showing love to teachers.
Perpetrators of domestic abuse tell their victims they love them and moments later clench their fists, preparing to strike another blow. So candidates, so America, hold onto your amorous bouquets and stop mouthing words you clearly do not mean or understand.
"Love" us less. Respect us a helluva a lot more.
------------
How nice to be told by the presidential candidates, during their last debate, that they "love teachers." Too bad it's bullshit, like the flowers a woman gets the day after her abuser gives her a black eye. And it's not just the candidates who are "loving" teachers to death. America itself has, at least as of late, quite the abusive relationship with teachers - claiming to love teachers but repeatedly disrespecting them in a myriad of ways. What teachers need is fewer meaningless words and a helluva a lot more deeds of respect.
When teachers tell you that standardized testing is robbing instructional time, narrowing curriculum and encouraging cheating but you act like their concerns are a ploy to avoid accountability, you are NOT showing love to teachers.
When you hold education conferences and there are no public school teachers on the panel but there are five CEO's, you are NOT showing love to teachers.
When the solution to turning around a failing school is to fire half the staff, you are NOT showing love to teachers.
When you accuse teacher unions of protecting child molesters, you are NOT showing love to teachers.
When teachers tell you that generational poverty hangs over the lives of their students like an impenetrable fog dampening desire, fostering anger, distracting young minds and you think they are making excuses, you are NOT showing love to teachers.
When you refer to teachers as "professionals" but then dilute their ranks with those who have ten-watts of enthusiasm and five-weeks of training, shoving them into the neediest schools where they cut their teaching teeth on defenseless children, you are NOT showing love to teachers.
When the most well-known names in education today are people who taught for three years or....never, you are NOT showing love to teachers.
When, despite teachers' knowledgeable objections, your idea of measuring teaching and learning is to administer more and more flawed bubble exams to younger and younger students, you are NOT showing love to teachers.
When you laud the test results of charter schools that cherry pick their students, receive extraordinary private funding, create an aura of fear with high suspension rates coupled with the expulsion of under-performing students, you are NOT showing love to teachers.
When those who make policy send their children to private schools while shoveling mounds of unvetted nonsense onto the overburdened shoulders of public schools, you are NOT showing love to teachers.
Perpetrators of domestic abuse tell their victims they love them and moments later clench their fists, preparing to strike another blow. So candidates, so America, hold onto your amorous bouquets and stop mouthing words you clearly do not mean or understand.
"Love" us less. Respect us a helluva a lot more.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Teacher Suspended For Using Same Grading Policy As Her Employer
New York City - Seventh grade English Language Arts teacher Dianne Smith, who teaches at Brooklyn's Intermediate School 114, is facing disciplinary charges because of her grading policy. Her exact crime? She used the same grading policy for her students that the New York City Department of Education uses to provide grades to its schools.
"I thought that if it was good enough for the DOE then it should be good enough for me," explained Ms. Smith over a cup of coffee at a diner near her school. Apparently not. After receiving numerous parental complaints, the DOE launched an investigation into Smith's grading policy and found it lacking. She has been suspended with pay while DOE officials scramble to determine how to handle the matter.
Parents objected to the idea that a pre-determined number of students would receive each grade; thus ensuring failures even if all students did exceedingly well on every student measure. For example, 30% of students had to receive an 'A' while 35% of students had to receive a 'B', 25% had to receive a 'C; while 10% were guaranteed a 'D' or 'F'.
Perhaps more troubling, however, is the fact that in order to have 30% of students achieve an 'A', Ms. Smith lowered what qualified as such to include grades of 65 or higher - just like the DOE did for schools. The chart below details the grade range employed by both Smith and the DOE.
Grade Score Range
A 65 or higher
B 51.7 - 65.4
C 36.3 - 51.6
D 23.2 - 26.2
F 23.1 or lower
Ms. Smith, a thirty-something brunette with half-moon glasses propped on the tip of her nose, was shocked when parent complaints made their way from her ears to the principal's office and then into the corridors of the DOE. "I guess I was naive. Sure I thought the policy was wonky but I figured since none of the parents objected to the system being used to rate schools, then they wouldn't object to my using it to report on their children." Looking out the window, Smith sighed, "And I certainly never expected the DOE to object to its own practices."
When asked how they justified giving schools an 'A' that barely scored more than a 65, the DOE would only comment that it is their policy not to comment on on-going investigations. It remains unclear if the DOE would object to teachers utilizing this policy.
"I thought that if it was good enough for the DOE then it should be good enough for me," explained Ms. Smith over a cup of coffee at a diner near her school. Apparently not. After receiving numerous parental complaints, the DOE launched an investigation into Smith's grading policy and found it lacking. She has been suspended with pay while DOE officials scramble to determine how to handle the matter.
Parents objected to the idea that a pre-determined number of students would receive each grade; thus ensuring failures even if all students did exceedingly well on every student measure. For example, 30% of students had to receive an 'A' while 35% of students had to receive a 'B', 25% had to receive a 'C; while 10% were guaranteed a 'D' or 'F'.
Perhaps more troubling, however, is the fact that in order to have 30% of students achieve an 'A', Ms. Smith lowered what qualified as such to include grades of 65 or higher - just like the DOE did for schools. The chart below details the grade range employed by both Smith and the DOE.
Grade Score Range
A 65 or higher
B 51.7 - 65.4
C 36.3 - 51.6
D 23.2 - 26.2
F 23.1 or lower
Ms. Smith, a thirty-something brunette with half-moon glasses propped on the tip of her nose, was shocked when parent complaints made their way from her ears to the principal's office and then into the corridors of the DOE. "I guess I was naive. Sure I thought the policy was wonky but I figured since none of the parents objected to the system being used to rate schools, then they wouldn't object to my using it to report on their children." Looking out the window, Smith sighed, "And I certainly never expected the DOE to object to its own practices."
When asked how they justified giving schools an 'A' that barely scored more than a 65, the DOE would only comment that it is their policy not to comment on on-going investigations. It remains unclear if the DOE would object to teachers utilizing this policy.
Reality Alert:
Interested in how we came to write this? Go to If Teachers Ran Their Classes Like NYC Runs Schools Then... and I Don't Know About Art, But I Know What I Don't Like and 'A' For Awful As Top-Rated Middle Schools Fail To Prepare Kids For High School and The Stability and Fairness of New York City's School Ratings and Making the Grade in New York City and NYC Progress Report page and click on "2011-2012 Progress Report Results for Elementary/Middle/K-8 Schools" at top of page. It will download an Excel spreadsheet. Compare the "2011- 2012 Overall Grade" column to the "2011-2012 Overall Score" column.
Monday, October 15, 2012
Boris and Natasha Charter A Course To America
Reality Alert:
Interested in how we came to write this? Read Charter School Financing Gets You A Green Card? The New U.S. Visa Rush
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